The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Naked 19-Year-Old News Update

Posted on | June 12, 2013 | 63 Comments


Officials have halted search operations for Maureen Kelly, who has been missing since Sunday in a remote Washington State forest. Kelly, a 19-year-old from Vancouver, disappeared in what can only be described as a search for the answer to the eternal question: “How stupid do you have to be to try something like this?”

Deputies are searching for a naked Vancouver woman, 19, who left her campground in west Skamania County on Sunday afternoon.
Maureen Kelly reportedly left the Canyon Creek Campground in the Gifford Pinchot National Forest just after 5 p.m. Sunday on a “spiritual quest,” wearing only a fanny pack that contained a compass and a knife. The woman was supposed to return that night, but didn’t. A friend reported her missing around midnight.

Local wildlife include wolves, mountain lions and bears. Never mind the problems of hypothermia and other dangers.

Skamania County Sheriff Dave Brown said Tuesday evening that two days of searching have failed to find 19-year-old Maureen Kelly. He says the search is being suspended until the end of the week.

Going out into the woods naked was no sudden impulse:

“She had talked about doing this spiritual quest for evidently quite some time,” he said. “The folks that she was with, they felt that this was something she needed to do.”

If you’re hanging around people who think this is something you need to do, you’re hanging around the wrong people. And are we surprised to learn she had a history of substance abuse?

Clark County court records indicate Kelly was in district court last Friday after failing a drug test required as part of pleading guilty last yer to being a minor in possession of alcohol.
At the hearing, a judge reordered Kelly to comply with all conditions, which included a fine of more than $500, according to court records.
Two days later, Kelly apparently went on her “quest.” . . .
Kelly is active on social media; she described herself in her Facebook profile as employed as a “guru” at “Spreading the Love.” On June 6 she posted a picture with the caption “There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path.”
On her YouTube page, Kelly posted videos of herself playing ukulele and beatboxing, a form of making percussion sounds with one’s voice and mouth.

These are interesting skills, but not much help when it comes to surviving naked in a remote forest. Probably a public school graduate.

There is no path to stupidity. Stupidity is the path.

UPDATE: Did another species of predator get her?

If she made it to the road and then her trail disappeared — authorities brought in search dogs to track her — has she been kidnapped?

 

Category: Culture, Education, Washington State

Comments

63 Responses to “Naked 19-Year-Old News Update”

  1. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    June 12th, 2013 @ 11:21 pm

    Well it depends what bars you go to…oh wait, you mean real wolves.

  2. keyboard jockey
    June 12th, 2013 @ 11:23 pm

    I wonder if she’s lost at all?

    The woman was supposed to return that night, but didn’t A friend reported her missing around midnight.

    At the hearing, a judge reordered Kelly to comply with all conditions, which included a fine of more than $500, according to court records.
    Two days later, Kelly apparently went on her “quest.” .

    So she can’t comply if she’s lost in the woods……and her friend waited till “Midnight” to report her missing. No one is going to start a search in the middle of the night in the woods in the dark. (That’s called a head start) What are the odds she’s just disappeared, because of her problems with the Law and her friends are covering for her?

  3. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    June 12th, 2013 @ 11:23 pm

    I was in Tok, Alaska once and saw a golden eagle take a pomeranian taking a potty break (everyone stops at the gas station in Tok). Serves the owner right for letting that dog off the leash.

  4. keyboard jockey
    June 12th, 2013 @ 11:24 pm

    I am going with number 3

  5. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    June 12th, 2013 @ 11:32 pm

    Here is an alternative theory on what happened…

  6. Freddy At Night
    June 12th, 2013 @ 11:42 pm

    Now… Now that there is just disturbing!

  7. Misanthrope
    June 13th, 2013 @ 12:24 am

    Sometimes it’s best to just step aside and let Darwin do his job.

  8. slipkid13
    June 13th, 2013 @ 1:43 am

    This is an attempt to get attention. Her friend knows where she is.

  9. Bob Belvedere
    June 13th, 2013 @ 9:41 am

    [Belvedere honks his horn]

    Make that three hard-boiled eggs.

  10. Bob Belvedere
    June 13th, 2013 @ 9:43 am

    I don’t know, but I think I want some [for medicinal purposes only, of course].

  11. Bob Belvedere
    June 13th, 2013 @ 9:46 am

    Considering what your old avatar used to be, Adj, shouldn’t you be quoting The Three Stooges???

  12. Alessandra
    June 13th, 2013 @ 3:36 pm

    She could have all kinds of mental problems…

    And doesn’t she have any parents, family? Just “friends”? That’s suspicious right there about her personal history.

  13. Patrick Carroll
    June 14th, 2013 @ 2:21 am

    Darwin’s gotta operate.