The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Czar d’Oz Episode IV: Porch

Posted on | December 3, 2009 | 1 Comment

by Smitty

Synopsis: In the year 2112, the characters retreated to a basement shelter to weather a monster tornado. Making an early trip to the local seat of government, they uncovered information pertaining to an experimental time machine located in Seattle. Making good their escape in the experimental TOTO vehicle, they have made it to the territory of the Southwest Czar.

“I have some people…”

[A porch at stage left with two men sitting in chairs on it. A Colorado flag flies by the porch, along with a ObamaUS flag, bearing BHO’s face and the usual red and white stripes. There is a sound of a car door slamming offstage. Zeda, Martin, Julius and Peter walk onstage.]

Stacy: Are you guys from the Post Office? Did you bring the O-Dough?

Zeda: Are you Brutals running a bakery?

Smitty: That’s pretty funny, but no. By the way, I’m Smitty, and that is Stacy.

Peter: Then just what are you two doing here, if I may be so inquisitive?

Stacy: Waiting for the big bailout. The Obama Administration has promised to fix all woes, to tissue all tears, and to line all wallets with frogskins. While there have been delays, we patiently await the reward for our patience.

Julius: Just how long have you been waiting?

Smitty: We’re what? The second or third generation?

Stacy: I don’t know. Who cares? We’ve just been waiting all this time.

Peter: Who is President now?

Smitty: An Obama, like always. Peace be upon him.

Peter: Which Obama?

Smitty: Barack Obama.

Peter: Which? There has been Barack Hussein Obama, Barack Hussein Obama II from 2057 to 2065, and we’re under the second administration of Barack Soros Obama in the year 2112, or year 104 of the Era of Hope, if you’re one of those.

Stacy: We knew all that.

Julius: And do you know that Washington DC ceased to be the capital at the Tri-Centennial? And did you know that the shift to the New Chicago Vortex was a complete joke, since the de facto capitol of the US, and also the world, has been the Davos, Switzerland Vortex since 2074?
Smitty: I was led to believe there would be no history lesson connected with your visit. I just want my O-Dough.

Peter: This is the point: there IS NO O-Dough. The currency is WorldThalers, but a Brutal like you won’t get any of them.

“….at UNLV…”

Stacy: How dare you, sir! Why not?

Peter: It’s all patronage these days. If you want to get anywhere in life, you have to find your local Eternal and convince them that you have something to offer. You might get hired, but, more likely, you’ll be given something menial to do. You offspring, should any woman be so desperate, might have a chance of promotion to Eternal, if you hang around the Vortex long enough.

Smitty: But the health care? The bailouts? The O-Dough? The environmental justice? The end to racism?

Martin: You can get some of that in the military. The Service is going to have to spend some time getting you two right in the head first.

Stacy: How can you call us wrong? Promises were made. Understandings shared. Assurances proffered. Our rights are at stake here.

Zeda: The only promise that was kept was that the wealth would be re-distributed. And it has been. Across the whole flipping world. The Vortex concentrated power. Elected officials became the Eternals. The elite among the Eternals are the Czars. The rest of us “little people” are Brutals, enslaved to feeding the machine.

The Constitution is fetished like something pornographic. The speeches and writings of Barack Hussein Obama are consulted like legal opinions by the so-called judges.

Oh, they went on and on about more “rights”. Those could be summarized as the right to be treated like little children regardless of age. And they took liberty in the name of providing those “rights”, the swine. And sovereignty from our country. And money from our wallets. And, in the case of you two, the brains out of your heads. Just how old are you clowns?

Smitty: Oh, we’re both North of 50.

Julius: Oh, really? Well, you’re encouraged to remain healthy then. ObamaLife starts to taper off past three-score for Brutals. Like we said, it’s not likely that you guys can do much down at your local Vortex to get in good with the Eternals. Now, if you’re related, and have enough tissue similarities, they may let you swap parts, to keep each other going.

Stacy: Yeah, we’re brothers.

Smitty: Are you sure?

Stacy: That’s what my father said.

Smitty: That’s not what my father said.

Zeda: This is getting creepy.

“… that owe me a favor.”

Peter: *Ahem*. Do you know the Southwest Czar, by the way?

Stacy: He was by, was it four years ago, five?

Smitty: It wasn’t the Southwest Czar proper, mind you: it was one of his captains gone rogue.

Stacy: Rogue? He sure had a fancy uniform and all.

Smitty: Face it, Stacy: he had run up a tab he couldn’t pay, and killed a man at the Czar’s Palace down in Las Vegas. He was fleeing. He only put on them airs so we’d stash him under the porch when the rest of the Czar’s troops came by.

Stacy: Well, that explains much. I couldn’t understand why an officer in the Czar’s service would want to be so secretive about it. And the O-Dough he gave us to hide him sure wasn’t much.

Peter: That’s an interesting idea, seeing the Southwest Czar. I know some staffers there. We could perhaps gain some intelligence about Czar d’Oz, if we play it right.

Martin: We could also find ourselves vanishing mysteriously. TOTO taken. Our quest cancelled. Our bodies ventilated. I’m against the idea. Wait. Stacy, Smitty: what was the name of the guy you stashed under the porch?

Stacy: Raina Petkoff?

Smitty: That was his alias. When he was giving us the WorldThalers, his identification fell from his pocket. I picked it up to give to him and saw that his name was Jacob Kleindrubble.

Martin: Thanks.

Julius: Now, I have some people at UNLV that owe me a favor. Let’s swing by, hide the car, and do some scouting.

Zeda: A real hotel room and some shopping would also be appreciated. Stacy; Smitty: do either of you have plans?

Stacy: Why yes. Yes, we do. We’re waiting for O-Dough. Our investment in waiting is too big to fail.

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Prev:III. TOTO
Next:V. Vegas

Copyright 2009, Christopher L. Smith
Category: Farce

Comments

One Response to “Czar d’Oz Episode IV: Porch”

  1. Czar d’Oz Episode V: Vegas : The Other McCain
    April 4th, 2010 @ 7:55 pm

    […] […]