The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Western Alphabetic Imperialism: An Opportunity For Ivory Tower Conquest

Posted on | August 27, 2010 | 9 Comments

Special guest post by Esarhaddon Q. Echinacea-Prügel

News may have reached your ear concerning the demise in fluency with traditional writing systems besetting Far Eastern cultures. Those noble logograms, each its own separate piece of art, represent exactly the sort of quixotic, emotional, faux-romantic struggle against reason to which all Critical Theory aspires, before blaming the disastrous consequences upon the sane majority of society. The time is ripe for a conservative stealth takeover, followed by a revolution to destroy Critical Theory.

As you may be aware, I have been a sleeper agent for rational, Enlightenment-driven, conservative thought in academia, specializing in Non-Traditional Social Music Impact Theory Studies. My recent paper, “Intransitive Asymmetries Discovered in the Question: ‘Did The Residents Inform the Style of the Blue Man Group?’, an Inquiry into Modern Deconstructionist Music”. . .


. . .was very well received by the Fourth Annual Colloquium on Critical Aural Inquiry in Kota Kinabalu.

But let us entertain sobriety briefly: my work as an academic sleeper agent has bred systemic unconsciousness in a generation of students precisely because it blends the inane and the incomprehensible in such an obscure and intellectually stultifying manner. I know how to “knock ’em out”. Now is the time to strike. With the higher education bubble set to go ‘pop’ any quarter now, we can move in.

With the help of you and certain NRSC connections, we can raise the money to fund a new chair at a particular Ivy League institution (I’m not at liberty to expose my contacts without substantial funding in hand–those schools are looking as un-endowed as a Global Warming researcher these days–heh!). Once we start a new field, call it ‘Alphabetic Imperialism Studies’, we can work on what is, admittedly, the tricky part.

You see, we have to build on the established Critical Theory result that Western Civilization is wrong, but not too well. We blend the doctrine of moral equivalence with a linguistic play on the noble savage myth. Here the NS myth is realized as that romantic yearning Lefties have for safe, fantasy realms of the past, where peace and wisdom surely reigned before whatever contemporary variation of carnivorous, brutal, conservative capitalism came along and negated all of their innate nobility. The desire for this sort of emotional waste basket will be irresistible to our target institution.

Yet we cannot over-achieve. When selling bunk, you can’t get caught in the bunker. The Left forgot this, as, for example, their crazy sexual experimentation neglected to produce sufficient offspring to keep their social programs afloat. This is an error worth absorbing vicariously.

Once we have ensconced ourselves, we can begin growing the field, always taking care to ensure that our people are not rendered simple by the farce we peddle. Inevitably, there will be a percentage of degenerates who quaff the kool-aid. They’ll be pushed out into, say, Journalism, when the appropriate time arrives.

This is about a five-year effort, at max. Sustaining the farce isn’t hard. We’ve got some desperate and, let’s face it, gullible, faculty out there. And the government continues to be a source for perverse monetary investment. All the hue and cry of the Tea Parties have not resulted in any fundamental change in the course of the ship of state. No, the raw idiocy of the undertaking itself is the biggest challenge. Continuing to apply new coats of lacquer to this form of waste product becomes an exercise in determination. We have to keep the goal in mind.

At the appropriate time, just before the money is gone, we’ll announce, at whatever posh venue we’re holding our annual gathering, that new research has linked Alphabetic Imperialism to a simple Darwinism. You’ve read me correctly: we’re going to let our off ramp be the obvious fact that simplicity excels complexity in the long rung, and aesthetics don’t scale as well. The use of a testable hypothesis, rooted in common sense, will be an unexpected ‘shock and awe’ moment. The Trojan horse of rational thinking will lead to an implosion of Critical Theory.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been receiving this sort of crap for long enough that I think I’m ready to transmit.

Category: Farce

Comments

9 Responses to “Western Alphabetic Imperialism: An Opportunity For Ivory Tower Conquest”

  1. Berk
    August 27th, 2010 @ 2:59 pm

    A special guest commentreat from GG:

    Social behavior is an extension of child raising in the same way that the beehive looks like a complex cathedral but is only the most economical, simple way to put one larva raising cell besides another and another.

    The building structure of our relationships and civilization is the kid’s cradle; the coming newborn life is the most powerful meaning to the collective mind which is 90% of any of us.

    Any social conduct and behavior is derived from these basic constraints and requirement of space, food, safety for a baby.

    In the most brutal environment of prisons among savage males who have no concept of compassion and care for each other, there is an alpha male spectrum hierarchy from bank robber (the noble ones) to the ignoble child killer, the latter often does not survive a week.

    Stick you head in the ant hill and watch what happens.

    Human thought easily slip into a somnambulistic-magical mode and imagines that it can manipulate its environment and become safe by pretending to be peaceful.

    Possums do the same thing.

    Some people extend this thinking into picking up venomous snakes and several die each year.

    His peacefulness did not protect The Dalai Lama when two thieves beat the hell out of him.

    The self does not desire peace…it is its own safety it seeks.

    Its attempts to control are entirely fear based and almost completely cover the freshness of the moment.

    Nice to see you again Stacy.

    🙂

  2. Berk
    August 27th, 2010 @ 2:59 pm

    A special guest commentreat from GG:

    Social behavior is an extension of child raising in the same way that the beehive looks like a complex cathedral but is only the most economical, simple way to put one larva raising cell besides another and another.

    The building structure of our relationships and civilization is the kid’s cradle; the coming newborn life is the most powerful meaning to the collective mind which is 90% of any of us.

    Any social conduct and behavior is derived from these basic constraints and requirement of space, food, safety for a baby.

    In the most brutal environment of prisons among savage males who have no concept of compassion and care for each other, there is an alpha male spectrum hierarchy from bank robber (the noble ones) to the ignoble child killer, the latter often does not survive a week.

    Stick you head in the ant hill and watch what happens.

    Human thought easily slip into a somnambulistic-magical mode and imagines that it can manipulate its environment and become safe by pretending to be peaceful.

    Possums do the same thing.

    Some people extend this thinking into picking up venomous snakes and several die each year.

    His peacefulness did not protect The Dalai Lama when two thieves beat the hell out of him.

    The self does not desire peace…it is its own safety it seeks.

    Its attempts to control are entirely fear based and almost completely cover the freshness of the moment.

    Nice to see you again Stacy.

    🙂

  3. Berk
    August 27th, 2010 @ 10:59 am

    A special guest commentreat from GG:

    Social behavior is an extension of child raising in the same way that the beehive looks like a complex cathedral but is only the most economical, simple way to put one larva raising cell besides another and another.

    The building structure of our relationships and civilization is the kid’s cradle; the coming newborn life is the most powerful meaning to the collective mind which is 90% of any of us.

    Any social conduct and behavior is derived from these basic constraints and requirement of space, food, safety for a baby.

    In the most brutal environment of prisons among savage males who have no concept of compassion and care for each other, there is an alpha male spectrum hierarchy from bank robber (the noble ones) to the ignoble child killer, the latter often does not survive a week.

    Stick you head in the ant hill and watch what happens.

    Human thought easily slip into a somnambulistic-magical mode and imagines that it can manipulate its environment and become safe by pretending to be peaceful.

    Possums do the same thing.

    Some people extend this thinking into picking up venomous snakes and several die each year.

    His peacefulness did not protect The Dalai Lama when two thieves beat the hell out of him.

    The self does not desire peace…it is its own safety it seeks.

    Its attempts to control are entirely fear based and almost completely cover the freshness of the moment.

    Nice to see you again Stacy.

    🙂

  4. waylay
    August 27th, 2010 @ 6:06 pm

    Smitty, is that you? Great job and skill. But I tell you what, this kind of creative outpouring is too “intellectual” or rather, complex, for the kind of simpletons who visit TOM for it to be even read and interpreted if not appreciated as deserved.

  5. waylay
    August 27th, 2010 @ 6:06 pm

    Smitty, is that you? Great job and skill. But I tell you what, this kind of creative outpouring is too “intellectual” or rather, complex, for the kind of simpletons who visit TOM for it to be even read and interpreted if not appreciated as deserved.

  6. waylay
    August 27th, 2010 @ 2:06 pm

    Smitty, is that you? Great job and skill. But I tell you what, this kind of creative outpouring is too “intellectual” or rather, complex, for the kind of simpletons who visit TOM for it to be even read and interpreted if not appreciated as deserved.

  7. smitty
    August 27th, 2010 @ 7:07 pm

    @Waylay,
    Guilty as charged.
    But it’s OK if not everyone savors the jape.
    If it pleased me, that was enough, though I’m happy you liked it.
    Cheers,
    Chris

  8. smitty
    August 27th, 2010 @ 7:07 pm

    @Waylay,
    Guilty as charged.
    But it’s OK if not everyone savors the jape.
    If it pleased me, that was enough, though I’m happy you liked it.
    Cheers,
    Chris

  9. smitty
    August 27th, 2010 @ 3:07 pm

    @Waylay,
    Guilty as charged.
    But it’s OK if not everyone savors the jape.
    If it pleased me, that was enough, though I’m happy you liked it.
    Cheers,
    Chris