The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Best. Wife. Ever.

Posted on | March 20, 2014 | 21 Comments

Maura Fussell, 26, gives us reason to hope.

Sometimes, the daily grind of the news can get you down. Politics is depressing, and cable TV won’t shut the hell up about that stupid Malaysian plane. And then, while you’re clinging desperately to your last shred of sanity, you see this headline:

Society Is Doomed, Say Scientists

That pretty much settles it, right? Ever since November 2012, I’ve been fighting a sense of hopelessness, but that’s just me. Now, however, scientists say we’re doomed, and you can’t argue with science.

Could the scientists possibly be mistaken? I don’t know, but I took renewed inspiration from the example of Maura Fussell:

Our story begins with a Reston man being arrested at some point Saturday, though Arlington police spokesman Dustin Sternbeck was not sure what he was charged with. Then, around 11 p.m., a reportedly naked woman appeared at the magistrate’s office next to the county jail, demanding to see her husband. Police believe she was intoxicated. . . . The Shamrock Crawl, advertised as Arlington’s largest bar crawl, was held from 2 p.m. to 9 p.m. Saturday, and though Sternbeck was not certain the woman was a pub crawler, “anybody who was in Clarendon that afternoon was participating one way or the other.”
The woman “was given several opportunities to put her clothes back on,” Sternbeck said, “exit the magistrate’s office and go home in a cab. But she refused and took the charges,” which meant spending the night in the county jail. . . . She and her husband were both released the next day . . .
Maura Fussell, 26, of Reston, was charged with indecent exposure and being drunk in public.

America loves you, Mrs. Fussell!

 

Category: humor

Comments

21 Responses to “Best. Wife. Ever.”

  1. Bob Belvedere
    March 20th, 2014 @ 10:37 pm

    I wouldn’t mind inspecting her Fussell-lage, IYKWIMAITYD.

  2. Mike G.
    March 20th, 2014 @ 10:41 pm

    She looks to have a healthy body style, the kind I like.

  3. Lemuel Vargas
    March 20th, 2014 @ 11:25 pm

    She is HOT!!!! even without a makeup on!!!

  4. daleyrocks
    March 20th, 2014 @ 11:25 pm

    Ace of Spades lifestyle!

  5. Delaney Coffer
    March 20th, 2014 @ 11:40 pm

    She’s cute, but she’s defiled herself, so I’m torn.

    Not really. I’m never torn.

  6. robertstacymccain
    March 20th, 2014 @ 11:46 pm

    I know, right?

  7. Adjoran
    March 21st, 2014 @ 12:01 am

    I admire a woman with nothing to hide.

  8. M. Thompson
    March 21st, 2014 @ 12:14 am

    #EwokPride.

  9. Dave
    March 21st, 2014 @ 12:53 am

    So she’s cute, and she defiled herself. Man, this gal has everything!

  10. Kirby McCain
    March 21st, 2014 @ 3:04 am

    Bucket list updated.

  11. RS
    March 21st, 2014 @ 7:18 am

    But, but, but . . . . The Patriarchy!?!

  12. CrustyB
    March 21st, 2014 @ 8:32 am

    St. Patrick would have been proud. She’s keeping up the Irish tradition of acting nutty.

  13. Bozikek
    March 21st, 2014 @ 8:45 am

    Lady Godiva? issat youuu?

  14. rmnixondeceased
    March 21st, 2014 @ 9:00 am

    A woman who knows what she wants and how to get it …

  15. richard mcenroe
    March 21st, 2014 @ 11:03 am

    Why, she’s practically a modern-day Granuiaile! Or just too damn drunk to get out of her own way. One or the other.

  16. richard mcenroe
    March 21st, 2014 @ 11:06 am

    Great minds think alike, although I like my reference better than that prissy little limey.

  17. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    March 21st, 2014 @ 3:38 pm

    A good wife is hard to find.

  18. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    March 21st, 2014 @ 3:38 pm

    A good wife is hard to find.

  19. Adobe_Walls
    March 21st, 2014 @ 4:02 pm

    Wow, Clarendon seems to have become a lot more interesting than when I grew up there.

  20. Maura Fussell: Drunk, naked and arguing for her man in Arlington! | Batshit Crazy News
    March 21st, 2014 @ 5:08 pm

    […] I agree with TOM:  Guys everywhere have to love that she stood up for her man in this manner. […]

  21. ThomasD
    March 21st, 2014 @ 7:05 pm

    Seminole.

    Should have seen that coming.