The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Perhaps Everyone in America Wants to Read About @ScottMuska’s Erection

Posted on | September 23, 2013 | 111 Comments

Scott Muska’s Twitter profile describes him as “Copywriter // Journalist // Lefty // Unselfish Lover,” and he elsewhere reveals that he is a 2010 graduate of Penn State University.

Do you want to read about Scott Muska’s erection? Because Scott Muska wants you to know he had one:

Dear Woman Who Was Sitting Next to Me
on The Plane When I Developed An Erection

That’s the headline at a site which seems to be share Scott Muska’s belief that this is “funny stuff.” Your mileage may vary:

In the interest of honesty and transparency, I acknowledge that your aesthetics probably factored into the whole erection thing. Because, well, you’re pretty.
Anyway, I first noticed you in Pittsburgh International, while we were sitting in the terminal waiting to board the flight. . . .
I momentarily lost my composure when I saw you — probably due your wardrobe choice of Lululemmon yoga pants that went very nicely with your butt, which looked like two crescent moons facing opposite each other?. . .

(Oh, you charming rogue.)

I boarded the plane and upon realizing I was assigned the seat next to you (what a treat!), I also noticed you were carrying a Kindle (women who read are hot) and that you smelled vaguely of suntan lotion (which always makes me think of kissing the first girl I ever loved at the public pool one summer day, something I won’t say is hot, really, because it’s weird to think back on making out with a 14-year-old, but yeah — that scent does it for me for whatever reason). . . .

(An earlier generation paid psychiatrists to listen to such things. Nowadays, these weirdos just spew it out on the Internet.)

I woke up when the flight attendant announced we had begun our descent. You woke up shortly after, rubbed your eyes, and glanced around. I was attempting to lock eyes with you as you surveyed your surroundings, thinking it might lead to a brief conversation about how crazy it was that we’d both conked out during the flight, and whether you also live in New York, and if so, would you like to eat street meat with me sometime?
But instead your eyes locked on my crotch. I gasped. (It should be noted that this was the first time a woman had spied my junk and I’ve gasped a negative gasp. I think.) Your sleepy expression turned into one that seemed like unpleasant surprise and thinly veiled anger. It was like you had never seen a pitched tent before.
It’s also possible that you were angry re: the lack of length. If so, I assure you that I make up for it in girth. . . .

(Dude, you just published that on the Internet, where everybody in the world can read about your stubby chubby, not to mention your erotic associations involving suntan lotion and 14-year-old girls.)

In hindsight, I probably should not have been traveling in basketball shorts.

(In hindsight, you should seek counseling.)

Eventually, you made eye contact, not really making an effort (or a successful one, anyway) to hide your revulsion. I blushed, shrugged, opened my notebook, and began drafting this letter to you.
Look: these things happen. I get random boners all the time. Especially when I’m in the proximity of a good-looking woman. It’s natural. And most of the time, I have zero control over when and how often boners happen. I’m virile, and for that I will not apologize.

So there you have it: Scott Muska gets “random boners all the time” whenever he is “in the proximity of a good-looking woman,” which we must assume is rather a rare experience for Scott Muska, perhaps in part because of his “lack of length,” but also because Scott Muska is the kind of creep who wears basketball shorts on airplanes and gets erections while fantasizing about 14-year-olds who smell like suntan lotion.

And for that, Scott Muska “will not apologize.”

Did we mention Scott Muska is a “Lefty” and an “Unselfish Lover”? Because that’s what Scott Muska says on his Twitter profile.

 

Category: Sex

Comments

111 Responses to “Perhaps Everyone in America Wants to Read About @ScottMuska’s Erection”

  1. Bob Belvedere
    September 23rd, 2013 @ 8:24 pm

    I’ve got the Classic Freddie Blassie album somewhere.

    Pencil neck geek
    Gritty freak
    Scum-sucking pea-head
    With a lousy physique
    He’s on a one man, no good losing streak
    Nothin’ but a pencil neck geek…

  2. Bob Belvedere
    September 23rd, 2013 @ 8:26 pm

    True…but not much of one.

  3. Bob Belvedere
    September 23rd, 2013 @ 8:29 pm

    Methinks the Fair Sarah has won this thread.

  4. Bob Belvedere
    September 23rd, 2013 @ 8:31 pm

    http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=rimshot&play=true

  5. Bob Belvedere
    September 23rd, 2013 @ 8:32 pm

    Methinks Master Punk would like you to go to the Soylent Green facility.

  6. HeyYoBecky
    September 23rd, 2013 @ 9:34 pm

    RT @rsmccain: Perhaps Everyone in America Wants to Read About @ScottMuska’s Erection http://t.co/IvDxcE2qDu

  7. K-Bob
    September 24th, 2013 @ 4:40 am

    I was a typical dumb kid. But even then, I knew that certain behavior was gonna stick to me like glue for eternity.

    All it should take is one person you’ve never met before saying, “hey, you’re that guy who…” followed by some escapade you hoped your Mom or Grandkids (if you ever had any) would never know about.

    But it seems some folks have no concept of the future. None at all.

  8. Tiffany Nicole Flynn
    September 24th, 2013 @ 4:52 pm

    I can list many reasons why this article is funny, I’d start with irony and end with irony- because fewer things are more ironic than someone that takes seriously, what someone writes on the internet so blatantly oozing with sarcasm.

  9. Tiffany Nicole Flynn
    September 24th, 2013 @ 4:58 pm

    so is the new thing an IQ measuring contest? I thought this was an article about the male appendage…

  10. Tiffany Nicole Flynn
    September 24th, 2013 @ 5:08 pm

    I can list many reasons why this article is funny, I’d start with irony and end with irony- because fewer things are more ironic than someone that takes seriously, what someone writes on the internet so blatantly oozing with sarcasm.

    Also it should be noted that Lulu Lemon yoga pants are to camp grounds as sunsets are to romantic dates.
    [Read: http://money.cnn.com/2013/07/03/news/companies/lululemon-yoga-lawsuit/index.html%5D

  11. Quartermaster
    September 24th, 2013 @ 7:40 pm

    When it concerns libtards that’s always a concern. Around here at least given the fact we enjoy preying on those limp brained people.