The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians

Posted on | September 6, 2013 | 85 Comments

Why are lesbians fat? Or, why are fat women lesbians? Is correlation causation? This profound scientific mystery demands an answer, and you can’t have science without a federal research grant:

The federal government has spent $2.2 million studying why three quarters of lesbians are obese despite sequestration-mandated budget cuts that critics warned could “delay progress in medical breakthroughs.”
The National Institutes of Health awarded an additional $682,873 to Brigham and Women’s Hospital for the study on July 17. The project had received previous grants of $778,622 in 2011, and $741,378 in 2012. Total funding has reached $2,202,873.
The project has survived budget cuts due to sequestration, which the NIH warned would “delay progress in medical breakthroughs.” . . .
“Obesity is one of the most critical public health issues affecting the U.S. today,” the grant’s “public health relevance” statement reads. . . .
“It is now well-established that women of minority sexual orientation are disproportionately affected by the obesity epidemic, with nearly three-quarters of adult lesbians overweight or obese, compared to half of heterosexual women,” the project’s abstract states. “In stark contrast, among men, heterosexual males have nearly double the risk of obesity compared to gay males.”

Wait a minute — both lesbians and heterosexual males have obesity issues, compared to either straight women or gay men?

EXPOSURE TO VAGINA CAUSES OBESITY!

The science is settled. That will be $2.2 million, please.



 

 

UPDATE: Dana Pico notes that “majority sexual orientation” is now the official designation, which means that terms like “heterosexual” and “straight” will probably soon be classified as hateful epithets and anti-majority slurs. Of course, I’ve always thought of myself as suffering from hyperphallic vaginocentrism, but I just checked the mailbox and my disability payment still hasn’t arrived.

Oh, the horrible stigma and discrimination . . .

 

Category: Gays, Science

Comments

85 Responses to “An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians”

  1. geo_love1
    September 6th, 2013 @ 11:03 am

    RT @rsmccain: WHY ARE LESBIANS FAT? “The science is settled. That will be $2.2 million, please.” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt @instapundit

  2. Jerry Beckett
    September 6th, 2013 @ 11:13 am

    I can’t wait to tell my wife that her vagina is making me fat.

    It’s science!!

  3. darthodius
    September 6th, 2013 @ 11:14 am

    RT @rsmccain: WHY ARE LESBIANS FAT? “The science is settled. That will be $2.2 million, please.” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt @instapundit

  4. DaTechGuyblog
    September 6th, 2013 @ 11:37 am

    Amazing line from Obese Lesbian story “The project has survived budget cuts due to sequestration” http://t.co/f0KtmaXaSJ Fyi I’m fat too.

  5. MattRoss
    September 6th, 2013 @ 11:54 am

    OK, blew coffee out of my nose at the end of that one! But, it was for a good cause, with the science being settled and all.

  6. Dana
    September 6th, 2013 @ 11:56 am

    You realize, of course, that she’ll respond, “Then what’s to blame for the dumb and ugly parts?”

  7. Mr_Holtzworth
    September 6th, 2013 @ 12:16 pm

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/upl9ClfZEb

  8. Quartermaster
    September 6th, 2013 @ 2:03 pm

    I dunno. Not sure which would be worse.

  9. robertstacymccain
    September 6th, 2013 @ 2:34 pm

    She’s likely to put you on a diet.

    IYKWIMAITYD.

  10. robertstacymccain
    September 6th, 2013 @ 2:35 pm

    “Fat drunk and lesbian is no way to go through life …”

  11. Why Aren’t All Lesbians Hot, Like in the Movies? | Regular Right Guy
    September 6th, 2013 @ 2:35 pm

    […] The Other McCain: […]

  12. HolyCowRUKiddingme
    September 6th, 2013 @ 3:02 pm

    I am SO HAPPY this is settled !
    I have been wondering about this for 50 years

    PHEWW! – Now I can go to bed and sleep soundly!

  13. morehouse64
    September 6th, 2013 @ 4:35 pm

    An #American Crisis: Fat #Lesbians http://t.co/bHX5ReUyXD @SpeakerBoehner there are many places to cut spending open your eyes…

  14. PsychoRumsfeld
    September 6th, 2013 @ 6:59 pm

    The butch lesbian or “bull dyke” suffers from a hormonal imbalance with testosterone not unlike a sufferer of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome who also deals with weight issues, facial hair, and the masculinizing of facial feautures and some gender traits. One only need to see one of these women in close proximity(which I have after living in SF for a number of years) and you will know that homosexuality is biological and psychological.

  15. thatMrGguy
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:54 pm

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/2996FvRluU

  16. thatMrGguy
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:59 pm

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/ftXgczHA0p

  17. BobBelvedere
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:45 pm

    RT @thatMrGguy: An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/2996FvRluU

  18. M. Thompson
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:47 pm

    So why not click on it then?

    That sounds AWESOME.

  19. sokeijarhead
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:49 pm

    Can’t make this crap up! An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians : The Other McCain http://t.co/MqnaL4Crnh

  20. SwiperTheFox
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:52 pm

    $2.2 million down the drain… and, in Washington terms, that’s a mere rounding error. That’s the scariest part.

  21. Fareedi al Laayla al Qakhaul
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:58 pm

    It is!

  22. Bob Belvedere
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:01 pm

    You sound like a perfect candidate to join the medical staff at The Vaginology Treatment Center at The Lord Fatheringay Von Whoopsie Memorial Hospital and Tiki Bar.

    Call us for an interview [cocktails served, of course].

    Cordially…
    Dr. Robert Oswald Belvedere, OB-GYN

  23. Bob Belvedere
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:03 pm

    When you become obese, diving is no longer an option.

    We have studied this a lot.

    Cordially…

    Dr. Robert Oswald Belvedere, OB-GYN
    CEO, The Vaginology Treatment Center at The Lord Fatheringay Von Whoopsie Memorial Hospital and Tiki Bar.

  24. Bob Belvedere
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:04 pm

    And, as we both know Herr Doktor, that is never a good/healthy thing.

    Cordially…
    Dr. Robert Oswald Belvedere, OB-GYN

  25. Bob Belvedere
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:06 pm

    The psychological coming before the biological, with the former causing the latter.

  26. MarcHilliker
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:10 pm

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians : The Other McCain http://t.co/mkzvYhWsIr

  27. ync1994
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:12 pm

    RT @MarcHilliker: An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians : The Other McCain http://t.co/mkzvYhWsIr

  28. Eastwood Ravine
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:46 pm

    Majority sexual orientation?
    I’m still going to say I prefer womenfolk… or for the nerds, estrogen-based lifeforms.

  29. PsychoRumsfeld
    September 6th, 2013 @ 10:35 pm

    Wow! That would be a medical first! You can really will facial hair, weight gain, and change the hormonal balance of your body by pure will? Hmmm…I’d really like to be taller! It’s the same with some gay males. They suffer from higher levels of estrogen therefore have more feminine mannerisms. You can’t regulate your hormonal balance by will, dummy.

    face facts: your opinions are based on pure bias against gays as people.

    Now where’s that kook, Alessandra? Off at another hate rally I suppose?

  30. Dungeonmaster Jim
    September 7th, 2013 @ 12:02 am

    Well, they do tell dieters to limit how much they eat out.

  31. rsmccain
    September 7th, 2013 @ 1:31 pm

    Dude! @sdo1 Hit that first thing Friday morning! http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt

  32. sdo1
    September 7th, 2013 @ 1:32 pm

    Huh. Wonder how I missed that… RT @rsmccain: Dude! @sdo1 Hit that first thing Friday morning! http://t.co/hfnNkhPRXE

  33. PubliusNV
    September 7th, 2013 @ 7:10 pm

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/49foMOJ1EV

  34. Moni53825245
    September 8th, 2013 @ 12:31 am

    RT @rsmccain: “You can’t have science without a federal research grant …” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt #tcot #lgbt

  35. TonyLimaPOL
    September 8th, 2013 @ 10:00 pm

    RT “@PubliusNV: An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/tKYCfw9MeY” Absolutely hysterical. Read the comments!