The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Turkey Breasts Are A Safe Alternative

Posted on | November 22, 2012 | 40 Comments

by Smitty

In this blog’s relentless quest for safety consciousness, we’d like to remind you on this Thanksgiving holiday that too much of a good thing can be fatal:

Man Escapes Death After Wife Tried To Suffocate Him By Motorboating His Face With Her 38DD Breasts

I note that the original story is German, where the word ‘frau‘ can mean wife or girlfriend. A quick Google didn’t turn up the source article, so the whole thing may be some sort of ruse. The ‘victim’ will hopefully avoid Schwarze Witwe dating in the future, although, as fates go, this would be far from the worst.

 

More at JWF.

Update: thanks, Instapundit!

Update II: in other news of the sexually off-beat, the guy’s sentence was reduced to 5 days.

Update III: bodacious investigative reporting to be found at Bob Belvedere’s blog.

Category: Uncategorized

Comments

40 Responses to “Turkey Breasts Are A Safe Alternative”

  1. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 1:04 pm

    This bird may kill you too…

    But there are worse ways to go!

  2. Fun and games can get out of hand… | Batshit Crazy News
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 1:09 pm

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  3. Archonix
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 1:15 pm

    Those are significantly larger than DD. I’d suggest G.

    DD is actually quite small.

  4. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 1:23 pm

    Spoken like a man who knows!

  5. Mortimer Snerd
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 1:35 pm

    Thanks for keeping us abreast of the news!

  6. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 2:46 pm

    Unfortunately, things like this really happen and not just at Thanksgiving…

  7. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 3:05 pm

    This guy would fit in well over at LGF…

  8. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 3:07 pm

    The douchebag at Arlington got fired: Happy Thanksgiving…

  9. Stogie Chomper
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 4:09 pm

    Into the Valley of Death rode the six hundred….

  10. ReaganiteRepublican
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 5:02 pm

    Mein Gott

  11. SDN
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 5:04 pm

    I wonder how long my comment will last?

    “I thought you believed in Evolution? Obviously, if the Indians had been the fittest, they would have survived.”

  12. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 5:36 pm

    Did you post that at LGF?

  13. SDN
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 5:42 pm

    Alternet, actually.

    Why, yes, I am a misanthrope; what was the first clue? 😎

  14. Matthew W
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 6:07 pm

    You usually have to pay extra for that !!

  15. Archonix
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 7:38 pm

    Hah! Another film for the list. 😀

    Actually I have a friend who works in a specialist bra shop. She’s very… strident on the subject of bra sizes. I suppose I picked some of it up.

  16. Quartermaster
    November 22nd, 2012 @ 8:52 pm

    When I left Germany, Frau was used only in reference to a married woman. Fräulein was the girlfriend. I left in ’69 and languages morph over the years. I’ve been seeing “weib” for wife of late and that may be coming in because of American influence.

    Of course, German is beset by a large number of dialects. The Chaplain’s wife was studying German and she said the instructor told the class that they would probably have trouble with the local Swäbisch dialect and wished them luck.

    38DD ain’t small either.

  17. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 12:15 am

    Mayor Bloomberg?

  18. Bob Belvedere
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 5:29 pm

    Someone should do an expanded version of this post and milk it for all it’s worth.

  19. Bill Doernbach
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 5:47 pm

    Man Escapes Death After Wife Tried To Suffocate Him By Motorboating His Face With Her 38DD Breasts.
    http://kxm.209.mwp.accessdomain.com/2012/11/22/turkey-breasts-are-a-safe-alternative/

  20. Bill Doernbach
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 5:47 pm

    Man Escapes Death After Wife Tried To Suffocate Him By Motorboating His Face With Her 38DD Breasts.
    http://kxm.209.mwp.accessdomain.com/2012/11/22/turkey-breasts-are-a-safe-alternative/

  21. cassandra
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 5:52 pm

    From the the “worst” or the wurst?

  22. Icanreadz!
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 5:55 pm

    This story is quite titillating.

  23. Kathy Kinsley
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 6:04 pm

    And he picked it up right too. As a somewhat oversized female (on the top, only, I’m skinny otherwise), I assure you, I KNOW bra sizes. And I sympathize with his friend. And would like to know his friend’s address – and whether she does mail order.

  24. Neshobanakni
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 6:05 pm

    It was only after passing out for the third time that he decided he didn’t like it.

  25. robbins_mitchell
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 6:10 pm

    Well,I can think of far worse ways to die

  26. cbinflux
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 6:40 pm

    He must be toothless.

  27. cbinflux
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 6:41 pm

    Got milk??!

  28. cbinflux
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 6:45 pm

    Motorboat, motorboat go so SLOW. Motorboat, motorboat go so FAST. Motorboat, motorboat…STEP ON THE GAS!

  29. cbinflux
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 6:50 pm

    Chas will put a Lizard hit out on you!!/

  30. Lee Reynolds
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 7:00 pm

    It would take the mortician several hours of careful work just to remove the smile from his face.

  31. bobbymike34
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 7:57 pm

    Is she single now?

  32. erehwon
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 8:26 pm

    I learned German in Schwaebisch-Hall way back in the day teenage Army brat.
    My German teacher at Ohio State told me that she’d bet me that she
    could tell me within 30 klicks, where I learned German. She was from
    Schwabach, married a man from Crailsheim, so she nailed it. Said my
    Ausprach was perfect — for an educated Schwab.

  33. erehwon
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 8:29 pm

    Mein *Himmel* Gott!

  34. Larry Patty
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 9:17 pm

    What a way to go though!

  35. Quartermaster
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 10:02 pm

    I lived in Pattonville near Ludwigsburg. I got up to “the Hall” a couple of times. I enjoyed the bus trip for basketball games. I was an AFBrat. My father was stationed at Echterdingen Airfield, which was a weird place. The Air Farce had the ground organization, and the aircraft were almost entirely Army. It was one of the few places the Army had Hueys in Germany during the late 60s. It was the plane patch for Patch Barracks, which was the location of EUCOM HQ at the time.

    I used to be fluent, but didn’t use the language for a number of years. I’m not even proficient these days, but still remember a fair amount of the language. I liked Germany, but we lived there when the anti-Americanism was just starting and we could see bad things on the horizon.

  36. Jeremy Abrams
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 10:16 pm

    He’ll be back for more.

  37. Rule 5 News Special Report: The Mammary Murder Plot « The Camp Of The Saints
    November 23rd, 2012 @ 11:46 pm

    […] Elite Daily, Paul ‘Chubby Chaser’ Hudson reporting, we learn [tips of the fedora to Chris 'Grand Tetons' Smith and Glenn 'Major League Yabows' Reynolds]: Possibly a photo of Frau Hansen’s weapons. A buxom […]

  38. The_Basseteer
    November 24th, 2012 @ 3:54 am

    I think this discussion has gone on long enough, let’s nip it.

  39. teapartydoc
    November 24th, 2012 @ 7:50 am

    Mandatory breast reductions coming soon.

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