The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Memo From the National Affairs Desk: Fear, Loathing and Deficient Hygiene

Posted on | August 25, 2012 | 15 Comments

TAMPA, Florida
We were cruising down U.S. 301 somewhere south of Hawthorne in the pre-dawn gloom, congratulating ourselves on having made good time on our long drive to the Republican National Convention when we saw a sight that inspired panic in our hearts.

There, lurking in the fog beside the highway, were three large deer.

Terror on four hooves.

Braking instantly, I slowed to 40 mph and Ali Akbar said, “Damn. I tried to yell ‘stop,’ but I couldn’t say anything.”

Indeed, we had both been momentarily paralyzed by fear. We were in that weird state of hypomanic delirium caused by sleep deprivation and excessive caffeine intake — too excited to sleep, too tired to think — and our mental acuity had begun rapidly degrading.

Had the deer actually tried to run in front of the KIA, we would have been doomed by my slow reflexes, dulled by exhaustion.

But the deer just stood and watched us roll past.

An omen? Maybe.

We arrived early in Tampa. The condo Ali has rented for the week won’t be ready until 11 a.m., so we had three hours to kill — and we reeked.

A long overnight road trip inevitably results in, well, hygiene issues. Ali had taken a shower before we left his apartment, so he wasn’t too bad, but I hadn’t shaved or showered since Thursday night.  By 8 a.m. Saturday, I didn’t look much like an award-winning journalist and smelled a lot like a hobo or, even worse, an Occupy protester. Speaking of which, here’s the front-page story from today’s Tampa Bay Times:

First encounter of protesters,
police will set tone for RNC
TAMPA — The first contact between police and Republican National Convention protesters is two days away. What happens Monday in downtown Tampa may well determine the success or failure of the entire week.
So say law enforcement experts who have studied large-scale political events that have spun out of control. Four years ago in St. Paul, Minn., police skirmished with protesters on the first day and never relaxed their riot-prevention mode. By week’s end, they had arrested more than 800 people.
“It’s too easy if a police department isn’t appropriately trained . . . to deal with protests in an offensive manner,” said Sam Rosenfeld, a security expert with the Densus Group in Plano, Texas. “To see every threat as a violent threat and to police it as such. If they have discipline and the self-control, it won’t escalate unless justified.”
The situation here is complicated by the low expectations that police and protesters have of each other. Recent reports of stockpiled bricks, ominous Internet videos, possible attempts by anarchists to shut down bridges and what protesters perceive as low-grade harassment have put both sides on edge. . . .

Read the whole thing. Clearly, Tampa police will need to employ maximum violence to suppress these dangerous anarchists. Crack a few heads with the riot batons, launch a few tear-gas grenades and if that doesn’t work . . . Well, one hesitates to suggest what further methods might be needed to maintain public order.

After all, Tampa is also bracing for Hurricane Isaac, and who knows what lawless chaos these protesters might unleash upon the innocent citizenry amid a hurricane-induced emergency? Best to take no chances: Shoot first, and ask questions later.

Did I mention that I’ve been awake for the past 27 hours? That I’ve probably consumed two gallons of coffee during that time? A man in my condition is apt to be a bit irritable, and a man who drives more than 900 miles to cover a political convention deserves something truly newsworthy: A couple dozen protesters beaten bloody by Tampa police — yeah, that’s what I’d call “news.”

While I’ve been sitting here indulging my weary imagination, Ali has been working on the details for Blog Bash, scheduled for Sunday evening at a mansion here in Tampa. The original plan was for about 60 people, but 165 people have RSVP’d. It’s the hottest ticket in town, with political VIPs and media celebrities on the guest list. If you’re gonna be in Tampa for the convention and haven’t RSVP’d yet, please be advised that you’d better get in touch with Ali Akbar immediately, and be prepared to beg.

Speaking of begging: Please don’t forget to hit the tip jar.

Ali Akbar works at the National Affairs Desk in Tampa, 9:30 a.m.

Well, it’s now about time to leave McDonald’s, head to the condo to take a long-overdue shower — and a nap.

 





Category: Election 2012, Fear and Loathing at the Republican National Convention

Comments

15 Responses to “Memo From the National Affairs Desk: Fear, Loathing and Deficient Hygiene”

  1. Fear and Loathing in Tampa | hogewash
    August 25th, 2012 @ 10:45 am

    […] Fear and Loathing in Tampa Posted on 25 August, 2012 by wjjhoge Stacy McCain is now in Tampa for Shoe Leather Reporting from the Republican National Convention. His first post from the scene is here. […]

  2. Crowd Control | Daily Pundit
    August 25th, 2012 @ 10:58 am

    […] Control Posted on August 25, 2012 7:58 am by Bill Quick Memo From the National Affairs Desk: Fear, Loathing and Deficient Hygiene : The Other McCain Clearly, Tampa police will need to employ maximum violence to suppress these dangerous anarchists. […]

  3. JeffS
    August 25th, 2012 @ 11:58 am

    Tip jar duly hit. Now take a long nap. You’ll need your wits ahead.

  4. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    August 25th, 2012 @ 12:23 pm

    I predicted a power breakfast of beer, eggs, coffee, cigarettes…and bacon. It looks like you are sort of doing that.

    Nice shirt that Ali has.

    Glad you avoided those four legged white tailed terrorists.

  5. Adjoran
    August 25th, 2012 @ 4:51 pm

    Shame you have now showered and wasted a good stench when you were perfectly suited to go undercover at Occupy.

    Better trade the fedora for a stocking cap if you try it, though. They would assume you are homeless and not share their food.

  6. William T Quick
    August 25th, 2012 @ 7:37 pm

    Just out of curiosity, was the speedo pegged, ala HST, when you blew those whitetails out of their hooves?

  7. William T Quick
    August 25th, 2012 @ 7:40 pm

    Test.

  8. richard mcenroe
    August 25th, 2012 @ 8:52 pm

    Those deer weren’t hitters. They were spotters.

    “Morons. I got morons on my team. Nobody’s gonna rob us goin’ down the mountain. We ain’t got no money going down the mountain. On the way back, then you can sweat..” Strother Martin, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid

  9. PaulLemmen
    August 25th, 2012 @ 10:28 pm

    Hmmmph. I live in Tampa Bay and didn’t so much as get ASKED to Blog-Bash. Probably could show up at the condo with a keg of beer and a carton of cigs and still not see Stacy … (working on the fresh butt-hurt).

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