The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Ye Merry Olde Upskirt Traffic

Posted on | April 29, 2011 | 21 Comments

Back in November, when I first had the silly idea of grabbing the “Kate Middleton upskirt photo” Google-bomb (I blame John Hawkins and his Linkiest aggregator site for the inspiration), I little imagined how traffic would surge on the royal wedding day. About 7 a.m. ET I Tweeted:

Of course, the combination of that link to the Google search — where this blog ranks as the No. 1 result — with the “#RoyalWedding” Twitter hashtag produced a surge to 34%:

Note that this was true, even while we were riding the Instalanche for the “None Dare Call It Stagflation” post:

It’s as predictable as clockwork that whenever any attractive woman becomes suddenly famous, some people will Google her name in combination with various terms including “nude,” “topless” and “bikini.” As I explained on Twitter:

@DaTechGuyblog Being a Calvinist, I have a very dim view of human nature, and am seldom surprised.

People may ask why I, as a conservative, should occasionally stoop to such cheap tricks. As I long ago explained, that kind of Google-search traffic is going to go somewhere, and I see no reason why the nihilistic commercial celebrity sites should monopolize the benefit of such prurience. Also, this is a “teachable moment.”

In the online world, traffic is the coin of the realm. Commercial site operators invest enormous time and effort in search-engine optimization (SEO) strategies to enhance their traffic. Surely you must appreciate the irony, that a mere right-wing blog should ace those clowns out of such lucrative traffic. As I also explained on Twitter:

@DaTechGuyblog “Total human depravity” as an SEO strategy

It is often charged that Calvinism is a dour, gloomy and oppressive belief system. Nothing can be further from the truth, as we may gather from The Heidelburg Confession:

Are we then so corrupt that we are wholly incapable of doing any good, and inclined to all wickedness?
Indeed we are; except we are regenerated by the Spirit of God.

There is, you see, a sublime joy in acknowledging our own wretchedness and our dependence entirely on divine Grace for whatever hope of the good, either here or in the hereafter.

Which is not the sort of thing people usually expect to read when they go searching for “upskirt photos,” but many are called and few chosen, etc. Your mileage may vary.
At any rate, I hope the newlywed Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will excuse my having cadged a bit of extra traffic off Ye Merry Olde Upskirt. No offense was intended, and we wish the couple well. Here is video of their instantly famous kiss at Buckingham Palace:

UPDATE: The Lonely Conservative has video of the wedding vows.

UPDATE II: If you feel the urge to be morally indignant about something, permit me to suggest you direct your indignation at the Archbishop of York:

The Archbishop of York backed Prince William and Kate Middleton’s decision to live together before marriage, saying that many modern couples want to “test the milk before they buy the cow”. . . .
He said he had conducted wedding services for “many cohabiting couples” during his time as a vicar in south London.
“We are living at a time where some people, as my daughter used to say, they want to test whether the milk is good before they buy the cow,” he said. “For some people that’s where their journeys are.
“But what is important, actually, is not to simply look at the past because they are going to be standing in the Abbey taking these wonderful vows: ‘for better for worse; for richer for poorer; in sickness and in health; till death us do part.’”

Well, yes, certainly: In so far as we wish to encourage couples to “make it legal” — to wed, rather than continue living in sin — we ought to say that when they do at last marry, their past fornication ought to be put aside in hope for the endurance of their wedded state. But we can say that without giving sanction to the practice of “milk-testing,” and I fear the Archbishop has been less than clear about where the line ought to be drawn.

Category: Great Britain, Marriage, Rule 5

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