The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Terrorism on Four Hooves

Posted on | September 6, 2010 | 119 Comments

Victim of the whitetail jihad:

This was not an accident. This was a premeditated suicide attack on my 2004 KIA Optima. The Islamicists hate us for our freedom. The deer hate us for our Korean sedans.

Although, of course, it was the deer that was K.I.A. (Notice the tufts of fur stuck in the grill.)

My 17-year-old sons  gutted and butchered the deer, salvaging about 30 pounds of venison that’s now in the freezer, which ought to be ample warning to any other antlered menaces who think they can attack me on the highway and then go bragging about it to their deer buddies back in the forest.

In response to my despairing post this morning — honestly, that six-point buck didn’t just total my car, he wrecked my entire month — many have attempted to reassure and comfort me that at least I wasn’t injured. This is cold comfort, considering that (a) I’d just spent $700 to have the engine fixed, and (b) the insurance is unlikely to pay as much for the car as we still owe the finance company.

Thanks to the many readers who have hit the tip jar in an effort to offset the financial damage. Your contributions have at least enabled me to recover some morbid humor about this disaster:

UPDATE: “Stacy wonders what he has done to cause Gaia to unleash the animal kingdom on him.”

Whenever I hear environmentalists ranting about mankind “raping the planet,” I always answer, “That tramp was beggin’ for it.”

Gaia is a total slut. Pass it on.

Category: Environmentalism, Shoe Leather Fund, Terrorism

Comments

119 Responses to “Terrorism on Four Hooves”

  1. Jeff Weimer
    September 7th, 2010 @ 9:16 am

    Um, waylay, I realize you need to get a few things off your chest, but non-sequitirs like that, in a post about Stacy’s car? Dude, get your own blog, quit wasting this one’s bandwidth with trite screeds like that (comment #42).

  2. No Runny Eggs » Blog Archive » Bleg time – Get R.S. McCain mobile again
    September 7th, 2010 @ 9:54 am

    […] Robert Stacy McCain went hunting and bagged a 6-point buck. Unfortunately, instead of using either a gun or a bow-and-arrow, he used his car, and 2004 Kias aren’t made for hunting whitetail deer. The ugly news is he had just spent $700 to fix the engine on said car. […]

  3. Roxeanne de Luca
    September 7th, 2010 @ 4:43 pm

    Since your sons are good with tools, consider having them take apart the car and sell it for scrap; you can probably have them haul out the engine and the transmission and get more money for those two than you would get from a junkyard.

    By the way, my vegetarian heart is warmed by the knowledge that you are eating that deer. 🙂

  4. Roxeanne de Luca
    September 7th, 2010 @ 12:43 pm

    Since your sons are good with tools, consider having them take apart the car and sell it for scrap; you can probably have them haul out the engine and the transmission and get more money for those two than you would get from a junkyard.

    By the way, my vegetarian heart is warmed by the knowledge that you are eating that deer. 🙂

  5. Kojocaro
    September 7th, 2010 @ 6:51 pm

    ran-hey robert why couldn’t you do what obama does ya know pass the buck?

    :LOL: and btw accroding to the ehrlich worshipping left america is already overpopulated and we nly have 6 years to live……….what a load of crock they said that back in 1968 that we had 50 minutes to live

  6. Kojocaro
    September 7th, 2010 @ 2:51 pm

    ran-hey robert why couldn’t you do what obama does ya know pass the buck?

    :LOL: and btw accroding to the ehrlich worshipping left america is already overpopulated and we nly have 6 years to live……….what a load of crock they said that back in 1968 that we had 50 minutes to live

  7. Kojocaro
    September 7th, 2010 @ 6:52 pm

    :lol:*

  8. Kojocaro
    September 7th, 2010 @ 2:52 pm

    :lol:*

  9. David R. Graham
    September 7th, 2010 @ 11:25 pm

    Stacy, it occurs to me that you have outrun your logistics train.

  10. David R. Graham
    September 7th, 2010 @ 7:25 pm

    Stacy, it occurs to me that you have outrun your logistics train.

  11. BruceC
    September 8th, 2010 @ 3:10 am

    “Jeff Spicoli: Relax, all right? My old man is a television repairman, he’s got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it…”

  12. BruceC
    September 7th, 2010 @ 11:10 pm

    “Jeff Spicoli: Relax, all right? My old man is a television repairman, he’s got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it…”

  13. Weds. morning links - Maggie's Farm
    September 8th, 2010 @ 6:20 am

    […] A deer hit my car […]

  14. rg
    September 8th, 2010 @ 7:16 am

    Ah, I know the feeling, and it sucks. It certainly freaked me out the first time it happened.

    Up here in northeastern BC, Canada, deer are like mice. Be glad it wasn’t a moose. I’ve seen 1-ton pickups with the entire front end completely stoved-in from hitting a moose, here on the Alaska Highway. Sometimes they go through the windshield. Not good.

    The lesson I’ve learned about deer on the road is that you can’t out-maneuver them. They survive in the wild by being erratic and unpredictable. Your only chance is to hit the brakes — hard.

    At night, and especially early mornings or twighlight — SLOW DOWN. Continually scan both shoulders of the road. You need extra reaction time.

    Take my word for it. After having written-off one truck, I have avoided literally hundreds of collisions this way.

    (Also, I’ve equipped my new truck with a pair of completely illegal 130-watt off-road lights, which just set the rascals on fire at 1000 yards. I merely drive between the fireballs.)

    The main thing is that you are in one piece, and are safe. Your car is just a machine, and the machine did its job. Take care of them, but don’t get too attached.

  15. rg
    September 8th, 2010 @ 11:16 am

    Ah, I know the feeling, and it sucks. It certainly freaked me out the first time it happened.

    Up here in northeastern BC, Canada, deer are like mice. Be glad it wasn’t a moose. I’ve seen 1-ton pickups with the entire front end completely stoved-in from hitting a moose, here on the Alaska Highway. Sometimes they go through the windshield. Not good.

    The lesson I’ve learned about deer on the road is that you can’t out-maneuver them. They survive in the wild by being erratic and unpredictable. Your only chance is to hit the brakes — hard.

    At night, and especially early mornings or twighlight — SLOW DOWN. Continually scan both shoulders of the road. You need extra reaction time.

    Take my word for it. After having written-off one truck, I have avoided literally hundreds of collisions this way.

    (Also, I’ve equipped my new truck with a pair of completely illegal 130-watt off-road lights, which just set the rascals on fire at 1000 yards. I merely drive between the fireballs.)

    The main thing is that you are in one piece, and are safe. Your car is just a machine, and the machine did its job. Take care of them, but don’t get too attached.

  16. Where All the Important Bloggers Will Be : The Other McCain
    September 9th, 2010 @ 10:23 am

    […] the problem of transportation. (I’m pretty sure it was Erik Telford who sent that deer to attack my car.) Mrs. Other McCain says I’d have to rent a car for the weekend and I certainly don’t […]

  17. Economic Growth Hindered by Wasteful Obama Policies and Deer Damage to KIAs : The Other McCain
    September 9th, 2010 @ 1:19 pm

    […] quarter, which ends this month, are not much better . . . The economic impact of the deer that wiped out a 2004 KIA Optima last weekend was not included in the Federal Reserve’s estimates . . .Amazingly thorough […]

  18. Fulminating, Malevolent Jackalope Revenge Arrangements : The Other McCain
    September 11th, 2010 @ 2:49 pm

    […] of the world, great and small, who do everything from park planes in buildings to training suicide deer to attack automobiles, to mooching canolli at airports, to pondering commission of odious acts like […]

  19. A Short List . . . : The Other McCain
    September 19th, 2010 @ 4:57 pm

    […] — because mocking my myriad misfortunes is the only way to keep from going stark raving nuts.The deer are out to get me!As long as you can laugh at your problems, you’re probably going to be OK. You may be dead […]