The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

SOS: Sissypuss, Obama, And Skippy

Posted on | September 1, 2010 | 15 Comments

by Smitty

Sissypuss was all set to review the POTUS prime-timer, and then Stacy blew town for Alaska.
Fortunately, Stacy’s goth twin Skippy was in between rehearsals with “Lips Can’t Go”, his Alien Sex Fiend tribute band, and was thus available, and they got together in the basement, along with some catnip and pudding, and took in the speech. Our staff may not be pretty, but who else works for these kinds of wages?

The President Skippy and Sissypuss
Good evening. Tonight, I’d like to talk to you about the end of our combat mission in Iraq, the ongoing security challenges we face, and the need to rebuild our nation here at home. Skippy: In fifteen minutes?
Sissypuss: Since he’s not using a pair of teleprompters, there is no chance of smoking a neck bearing.
Skippy: How malodorous!
I know this historic moment comes at a time of great uncertainty for many Americans. We have now been through nearly a decade of war. We have endured a long and painful recession. And sometimes in the midst of these storms, the future that we are trying to build for our nation – a future of lasting peace and long-term prosperity may seem beyond our reach. Si: He is not good at getting things done; he’s good at talking about things as if they had been done.
Sk: Don’t sell him short. It’s fair to say the recession is over, if you’ve traded down for a full-on depression. You can talk about a war being over with 50 thousand troops in-country–look at the Korean Armistice, for example. Besides, it’s not like we formally ‘declare war’ or sign peace treaties anymore. Cut the man some slack.
Si: What, did you vote for him?
But this milestone should serve as a reminder to all Americans that the future is ours to shape if we move forward with confidence and commitment. It should also serve as a message to the world that the United States of America intends to sustain and strengthen our leadership in this young century. Si: Oh, I thought he said “millstone”. First day, new ears. Now, how are we to balance ‘confidence and commitment’ with his bowing and apologizing? And selling out Arizona?
Sk: I guess telling some variation of the truth on one of his own States is his notion leadership.  Yeah, I voted for him.  Don’t tell Stacy.
From this desk, seven and a half years ago, President Bush announced the beginning of military operations in Iraq. Much has changed since that night. A war to disarm a state became….
…a fight against an insurgency. Terrorism and sectarian warfare threatened to tear Iraq apart. Thousands of Americans gave their lives; tens of thousands have been wounded. Our relations abroad were strained. Our unity at home was tested.		 Si: Well, that says nothing of nation building.
Sk: Dude. He’s barely into the speech.
These are the rough waters encountered during the course of one of America’s longest wars. Yet there has been one constant amidst those shifting tides. At every turn, America’s men and women in uniform have served with courage and resolve. As Commander-in-Chief, I am proud of their service. Like all Americans, I am awed by their sacrifice, and by the sacrifices of their families. Si: Yeah, giving it up for the troops.
Sk: Yeah.
The Americans who have served in Iraq completed every mission they were given. They defeated a regime that had terrorized its people. Together with Iraqis and coalition partners who made huge sacrifices of their own, our troops fought block by block to help Iraq seize the chance for a better future. They shifted tactics to protect the Iraqi people; trained Iraqi Security Forces; and took out terrorist leaders. Because of our troops and civilians –and because of the resilience of the Iraqi people – Iraq has the opportunity to embrace a new destiny, even though many challenges remain. Si: Nice rhetoric.
Sk: Quite. The ball is in their court. Their country is no longer under warranty.
So tonight, I am announcing that the American combat mission in Iraq has ended. Operation Iraqi Freedom is over, and the Iraqi people now have lead responsibility for the security of their country. Si: Yeah, but you kind of know that we still have a little skin in the game.
Sk: Quiet, furball. You’re harshing the mellow.
This was my pledge to the American people as a candidate for this office. Last February, I announced a plan that would bring our combat brigades out of Iraq, while redoubling our efforts to strengthen Iraq’s Security Forces and support its government and people. That is what we have done. We have removed nearly 100,000 U.S. troops from Iraq. We have closed or transferred hundreds of bases to the Iraqis. And we have moved millions of pieces of equipment out of Iraq. Si: And your input into this plan you announced was what, exactly?
Sk: You win the election, you get to announce the plan.
This completes a transition to Iraqi responsibility for their own security. U.S. troops pulled out of Iraq’s cities last summer, and Iraqi forces have moved into the lead with considerable skill and commitment to their fellow citizens. Even as Iraq continues to suffer terrorist attacks, security incidents have been near the lowest on record since the war began. And Iraqi forces have taken the fight to al Qaeda, removing much of its leadership in Iraqi-led operations. Si: We’ll see how long it lasts.
Sk: As long as they want.
This year also saw Iraq hold credible elections that drew a strong turnout. A caretaker administration is in place as Iraqis form a government based on the results of that election. Tonight, I encourage Iraq’s leaders to move forward with a sense of urgency to form an inclusive government that is just, representative, and accountable to the Iraqi people. And when that government is in place, there should be no doubt: the Iraqi people will have a strong partner in the United States. Our combat mission is ending, but our commitment to Iraq’s future is not. Si: I think it’s cute when he talks about accountable governments. In other countries.
Sk: I’m afraid I don’t understand.
Si: If you don’t, then I’m afraid, too.
Going forward, a transitional force of U.S. troops will remain in Iraq with a different mission: advising and assisting Iraq’s Security Forces; supporting Iraqi troops in targeted counter-terrorism missions; and protecting our civilians. Consistent with our agreement with the Iraqi government, all U.S. troops will leave by the end of next year. As our military draws down, our dedicated civilians –diplomats, aid workers, and advisors –are moving into the lead to support Iraq as it strengthens its government, resolves political disputes, resettles those displaced by war, and builds ties with the region and the world. And that is a message that Vice President Biden is delivering to the Iraqi people through his visit there today. Si: Ah, Sir Joe of Biden. Like a Hallmark card, the man.  We care enough to send the Hairless Beast.
Sk: That hair violates at least three international treaties.
This new approach reflects our long-term partnership with Iraq–one based upon mutual interests, and mutual respect. Of course, violence will not end with our combat mission. Extremists will continue to set off bombs, attack Iraqi civilians and try to spark sectarian strife. But ultimately, these terrorists will fail to achieve their goals. Iraqis are a proud people. They have rejected sectarian war, and they have no interest in endless destruction. They understand that, in the end, only Iraqis can resolve their differences and police their streets. Only Iraqis can build a democracy within their borders. What America can do, and will do, is provide support for the Iraqi people as both a friend and a partner. Si: “X are a proud people?” Give me a break. Who comes out and says “We got no pride, kick us like the dogs we are”? Couldn’t he have said ‘resolute’? And we’ve gone from all the strength and protection of the previous thought to everything ‘sploding. Which is it?
Sk: What do you want? The situation involves both extremes. Time is what it improving things will take, but Americans have no attention span, and frequent elections.
Ending this war is not only in Iraq’s interest– it is in our own. The United States has paid a huge price to put the future of Iraq in the hands of its people. We have sent our young men and women to make enormous sacrifices in Iraq, and spent vast resources abroad at a time of tight budgets at home. We have persevered because of a belief we share with the Iraqi people –a belief that out of the ashes of war, a new beginning could be born in this cradle of civilization. Through this remarkable chapter in the history of the United States and Iraq, we have met our responsibility. Now, it is time to turn the page. Si: Yeah, I guess ‘tight budgets’ is one way to say ‘making one last raid on the cash register before the whole economic system seizes’.
Sk: Look, the financial crisis didn’t happen in just this Congress or the last–it’s brewed for decades.
As we do, I am mindful that the Iraq War has been a contentious issue at home. Here, too, it is time to turn the page. This afternoon, I spoke to former President George W. Bush. It’s well known that he and I disagreed about the war from its outset. Yet no one could doubt President Bush’s support for our troops, or his love of country and commitment to our security. As I have said, there were patriots who supported this war, and patriots who opposed it. And all of us are united in appreciation for our servicemen and women, and our hope for Iraq’s future. Si: Wow. He didn’t exactly blame Bush in any way, but what about a tiny shred of credit?
Sk: You’re looking at a President who views expressions of mercy as weakness.
The greatness of our democracy is grounded in our ability to move beyond our differences, and to learn from our experience as we confront the many challenges ahead. And no challenge is more essential to our security than our fight against al Qaeda. Si: ‘Move beyond our differences.’ ‘Learn from our experience.’ Is that a rhetorical double negative? He seems to take every situation and use it to re-enforce differeces and repeat old errors.
Sk: Hey: elections have consequences.
Americans across the political spectrum supported the use of force against those who attacked us on 9/11. Now, as we approach our 10th year of combat in Afghanistan, there are those who are understandably asking tough questions about our mission there. But we must never lose sight of what’s at stake. As we speak, al Qaeda continues to plot against us, and its leadership remains anchored in the border region of Afghanistan and Pakistan. We will disrupt, dismantle, and defeat al Qaeda, while preventing Afghanistan from again serving as a base for terrorists. And because of our drawdown in Iraq, we are now able to apply the resources necessary to go on offense. In fact, over the last 19 months, nearly a dozen al Qaeda leaders –and hundreds of Al Qaeda’s extremist allies–have been killed or captured around the world. Si: This is good. He’s identified an enemy, and issued tough rhetoric against said foe. Now, if policy actions follow, I may have to eat my snark.
Sk: See? For a conservative cat, you’re not entirely dense.
Within Afghanistan, I have ordered the deployment of additional troops who–under the command of General David Petraeus –are fighting to break the Taliban’s momentum. As with the surge in Iraq, these forces will be in place for a limited time to provide space for the Afghans to build their capacity and secure their own future. But, as was the case in Iraq, we cannot do for Afghans what they must ultimately do for themselves. That’s why we are training Afghan Security Forces and supporting a political resolution to Afghanistan’s problems. And, next July, we will begin a transition to Afghan responsibility. The pace of our troop reductions will be determined by conditions on the ground, and our support for Afghanistan will endure. But make no mistake: this transition will begin – because open-ended war serves neither our interests nor the Afghan people’s. Si: There’s my POTUS, making a firm commitment to a definite maybe.
Sk: So cynical. This attitude has dogged you as long as I’ve known you.
Si: Heh. *scratch*
Sk: Ow!
Indeed, one of the lessons of our effort in Iraq is that American influence around the world is not a function of military force alone. We must use all elements of our power –including our diplomacy, our economic strength, and the power of America’s example –to secure our interests and stand by our allies. And we must project a vision of the future that is based not just on our fears, but also on our hopes –a vision that recognizes the real dangers that exist around the world, but also the limitless possibility of our time. Si: Do you smell catnip?
Sk: I think the aroma is closer to poppies. . .poppies. . .poppies. . .
Today, old adversaries are at peace, and emerging democracies are potential partners. New markets for our goods stretch from Asia to the Americas. A new push for peace in the Middle East will begin here tomorrow. Billions of young people want to move beyond the shackles of poverty and conflict. As the leader of the free world, America will do more than just defeat on the battlefield those who offer hatred and destruction –we will also lead among those who are willing to work together to expand freedom and opportunity for all people. Si: Muslim women will rejoice at this news. I know, let’s loop this part to a beat, autotune it, and make this thought of his an MP3 download for all those around the world getting the stuffing kicked out of them for whatever reason.
Sk: Always the cynic.
That effort must begin within our own borders. Throughout our history, America has been willing to bear the burden of promoting liberty and human dignity overseas, understanding its link to our own liberty and security. But we have also understood that our nation’s strength and influence abroad must be firmly anchored in our prosperity at home. And the bedrock of that prosperity must be a growing middle class. Si: He said ‘border’. I thought there was a Jan Brewer beat-down coming. Isn’t it ironic to hear him talk about growing the very chunk of the population he’s thrashing the hardest? The middle class might be the perfect market for our “Old Adversaries Are At Peace” autotune opus. Feel the iron rod of taxation gently kiss your kidneys as you swoon to the groove.
Sk: Did the rat poison get too near your milk saucer, Sissypuss?
Unfortunately, over the last decade, we have not done what is necessary to shore up the foundation of our own prosperity. We have spent over a trillion dollars at war, often financed by borrowing from overseas. This, in turn, has short-changed investments in our own people, and contributed to record deficits. For too long, we have put off tough decisions on everything from our manufacturing base to our energy policy to education reform. As a result, too many middle class families find themselves working harder for less, while our nation’s long-term competitiveness is put at risk. Si: Yeah! See, now, that’s the gratuitous body slam we came for. When he says: “over the last decade, we have not done what is necessary to shore up the foundation of our own prosperity,” he means “Booooooowsh!” You knew it was there. He mentioned Bush by name before with no snark, but Chicago Chekov says, “If you’re from Chicago, you’ve got the brass knuckles, and you have to use them before the end of the second scene.” I do admire the oblique delivery, and also the narrowing of the timespan to just Bush.
The delivery even moved from wooden to something approaching passionate here. He valiantly ignored the real cause of the crisis, Federal over-reach, and managed to make it sound like insufficient Federal over-reach is the problem. These ideas aren’t just a turd, they’re a fresh cow pattie served in an anodized trashcan lid. Bravo.
Sk: For a cat, you seem to know a lot.
Si: I hang around Stacy McCain.
And so at this moment, as we wind down the war in Iraq, we must tackle those challenges at home with as much energy, and grit, and sense of common purpose as our men and women in uniform who have served abroad. They have met every test that they faced. Now, it is our turn. Now, it is our responsibility to honor them by coming together, all of us, and working to secure the dream that so many generations have fought for –the dream that a better life awaits anyone who is willing to work for it and reach for it. Si: Wait–is BHO coming out of the closet and joining the Tea Party?
Sk: Excuse me?
Our most urgent task is to restore our economy, and put the millions of Americans who have lost their jobs back to work. To strengthen our middle class, we must give all our children the education they deserve, and all our workers the skills that they need to compete in a global economy. We must jumpstart industries that create jobs, and end our dependence on foreign oil. We must unleash the innovation that allows new products to roll off our assembly lines, and nurture the ideas that spring from our entrepreneurs. This will be difficult. But in the days to come, it must be our central mission as a people, and my central responsibility as President. Si: So he’s going to take a machete to the Federal government? To halt the kudzu-esque overgrowth of bureacracy that chokes off economic vitality? To balance the budget? To embrace Ryan’s plan?
Sk: None of those things will happen.
Part of that responsibility is making sure that we honor our commitments to those who have served our country with such valor. As long as I am President, we will maintain the finest fighting force that the world has ever known, and do whatever it takes to serve our veterans as well as they have served us. This is a sacred trust. That is why we have already made one of the largest increases in funding for veterans in decades. We are treating the signature wounds of today’s wars post-traumatic stress and traumatic brain injury, while providing the health care and benefits that all of our veterans have earned. And we are funding a post-9/11 GI Bill that helps our veterans and their families pursue the dream of a college education. Just as the GI Bill helped those who fought World War II- including my grandfather- become the backbone of our middle class, so today’s servicemen and women must have the chance to apply their gifts to expand the American economy. Because part of ending a war responsibly is standing by those who have fought it. Si: Well, yeah, but. . .
Sk: He’s got to start somewhere.
Si: For example, Fernando Poo?  Can he just vacation there unti 2012?
Two weeks ago, America’s final combat brigade in Iraq –the Army’s Fourth Stryker Brigade –journeyed home in the pre-dawn darkness. Thousands of soldiers and hundreds of vehicles made the trip from Baghdad, the last of them passing into Kuwait in the early morning hours. Over seven years before, American troops and coalition partners had fought their way across similar highways, but this time no shots were fired. It was just a convoy of brave Americans, making their way home. Sk: Makes you feel proud.
Of course, the soldiers left much behind. Some were teenagers when the war began. Many have served multiple tours of duty, far from their families who bore a heroic burden of their own, enduring the absence of a husband’s embrace or a mother’s kiss. Most painfully, since the war began fifty-five members of the Fourth Stryker Brigade made the ultimate sacrifice –part of over 4,400 Americans who have given their lives in Iraq. As one staff sergeant said, “I know that to my brothers in arms who fought and died, this day would probably mean a lot.” Si: It will mean a lot of angst if you piss the sacrifice away.
Those Americans gave their lives for the values that have lived in the hearts of our people for over two centuries. Along with nearly 1.5 million Americans who have served in Iraq, they fought in a faraway place for people they never knew. They stared into the darkest of human creations –war –and helped the Iraqi people seek the light of peace. Si: Someone I respect quoted the Greeks as saying war is The Father of us All.
Sk: But the ancient Greeks are ancient, and the modern Greeks not the best advertisement for their ancestors.
Si: Fair enough.
In an age without surrender ceremonies, we must earn victory through the success of our partners and the strength of our own nation. Every American who serves joins an unbroken line of heroes that stretches from Lexington to Gettysburg; from Iwo Jima to Inchon; from Khe Sanh to Kandahar – Americans who have fought to see that the lives of our children are better than our own. Our troops are the steel in our ship of state. And though our nation may be travelling through rough waters, they give us confidence that our course is true, and that beyond the pre-dawn darkness, better days lie ahead. Si: President Foamy: is he thick and rich enough?
Sk: You know, it would be most instructive to put you in his position and see how long it takes you to self destruct.
Thank you. May God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America, and all who serve her. Si: Hmm. I guess there is no species requirement in the Constitution. I bet the fur would be flying over the cat age conversion chart, though.
Sk: I’m outta here.
Si: Beat it.
Category: Barack Obama, Sissypuss the Blog Kitty

Comments

15 Responses to “SOS: Sissypuss, Obama, And Skippy”

  1. young4eyes
    September 1st, 2010 @ 3:03 pm

    Wow, what a surprise! Righties didn’t like the iraq speech. Fortunately we all know that you are all hypocrites so it’s OK.
    Hey, we should thank Bush for starting the war in the first place,right?

  2. young4eyes
    September 1st, 2010 @ 11:03 am

    Wow, what a surprise! Righties didn’t like the iraq speech. Fortunately we all know that you are all hypocrites so it’s OK.
    Hey, we should thank Bush for starting the war in the first place,right?

  3. smitty
    September 1st, 2010 @ 3:17 pm

    @Y4E,
    I would thank the knobs who have been subverting the Constitutional requirement for a declaration of war.
    If Afghanistan/Iraq teach us anything, it is that the War Powers Act of 1973 needs a substantial facelift.

  4. smitty
    September 1st, 2010 @ 11:17 am

    @Y4E,
    I would thank the knobs who have been subverting the Constitutional requirement for a declaration of war.
    If Afghanistan/Iraq teach us anything, it is that the War Powers Act of 1973 needs a substantial facelift.

  5. Obi's Sister
    September 1st, 2010 @ 3:25 pm

    Outstanding.

  6. Obi's Sister
    September 1st, 2010 @ 11:25 am

    Outstanding.

  7. richard mcenroe
    September 1st, 2010 @ 4:01 pm

    ” “We got no pride, kick us like the dogs we are””

    Ah, Sissypuss HAS met a Democrat. But if he brings Y4E home, make him leave it on the porch.

  8. richard mcenroe
    September 1st, 2010 @ 12:01 pm

    ” “We got no pride, kick us like the dogs we are””

    Ah, Sissypuss HAS met a Democrat. But if he brings Y4E home, make him leave it on the porch.

  9. Joe
    September 1st, 2010 @ 4:19 pm

    Stacy needs to send Skippy McCain on the road more often.

  10. Joe
    September 1st, 2010 @ 12:19 pm

    Stacy needs to send Skippy McCain on the road more often.

  11. Thomas L. Knapp
    September 1st, 2010 @ 6:39 pm

    Young4eyes,

    Real lefties didn’t like the Iraq speech either.

  12. Thomas L. Knapp
    September 1st, 2010 @ 2:39 pm

    Young4eyes,

    Real lefties didn’t like the Iraq speech either.

  13. young4eyes
    September 1st, 2010 @ 9:02 pm

    Thomas:
    Real Lefties can be just as bad as Righties.I’ve dealt with the kind of unrealistic expectations from Lefties and it is almost as sad as the delusions of Conservatives.
    I generally agree with the sentiments in your article and with your ideas about war. Which is why senseless wars are messy to wage and even worse to clean up.

  14. young4eyes
    September 1st, 2010 @ 5:02 pm

    Thomas:
    Real Lefties can be just as bad as Righties.I’ve dealt with the kind of unrealistic expectations from Lefties and it is almost as sad as the delusions of Conservatives.
    I generally agree with the sentiments in your article and with your ideas about war. Which is why senseless wars are messy to wage and even worse to clean up.

  15. Labor Day Robo-Love
    September 4th, 2010 @ 3:29 pm

    […] SOS: Sissypuss, Obama, And Skippy […]