The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

The Protocols of the Elders of CTHULHU VIII. Legal Ambiguity

Posted on | February 16, 2010 | 4 Comments

by Smitty (INTRODUCTION)

So the figures, a dozen in all, silently entered Schloss Braunschlag, unsure of the protocol.

The door opened, and a functionary in a robe, face hidden in a deep hood, entered. The functionary carried a tray with a fishbowl, filled with water, and a glass, half full of water.
He walked around the head of the table and stood by the feet of the fallen man. The functionary placed the tray on the table, picked up the glass and knelt near the head of the old man. The man faced the table, eyes rolled up to stare at me at the far end of the table writing all of this, as he lay in death. Something odd in the man’s right nostril; a hint of motion. And the speaker continued.

“The legal system shall be among our premier tools.

We must search out in the very finest shades of expression and the knotty points of the lexicon of law justification for those cases where we shall have to pronounce judgements that might appear abnormally audacious and unjust, for it is important that these resolutions should seem to be the most exalted moral principles cast into legal form.

More will be elaborated later, but consider the son of an important political family. He is a wretched piece of human wreckage, moreso than most. He manages to kill a young girl. This is helpful news.
From a legal standpoint, we’ve an opportunity to demonstrate that equal protection before the law is a fine abstraction, at best. Those beholden to us will be more equal, every time.
Over the course of a career, he becomes a turd magnet. Each otherwise decent person whom we coerce into collaborating with our turd puppet becomes gradually dirtier.
In the end, even the most noble hater of capital punishment, contorted into a filthy knot supporting this wretch, shall find the homicide of the woman justifiable, for all he served us. We are moved in the direction of laughter.”

The functionary held the glass below the dead man’s nose, and a squid-like being pulled itself out, into the glass of water, with a ‘PLOP’!
The functionary then conveyed the little squid up to the fishbowl and quickly poured it into the larger vessel. As the functionary set the glass down on the tray, a bolt arced up from the surface of the water, and into the hood.
With an ionic ‘ZNIT’ sound, the functionary joined the old man in death. The squid in the fishbowl was visibly enlarged.

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Category: Farce

Comments

4 Responses to “The Protocols of the Elders of CTHULHU VIII. Legal Ambiguity”

  1. Roxeanne de Luca
    February 17th, 2010 @ 1:56 am

    Silly question: is your title supposed to read “Abmiguity” and not “Ambiguity”?

  2. Roxeanne de Luca
    February 16th, 2010 @ 8:56 pm

    Silly question: is your title supposed to read “Abmiguity” and not “Ambiguity”?

  3. smitty
    February 17th, 2010 @ 2:02 am

    Silly writers merit silly questions.

  4. smitty
    February 16th, 2010 @ 9:02 pm

    Silly writers merit silly questions.