The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Waiting For O-Dough: Act II

Posted on | December 2, 2009 | Comments Off on Waiting For O-Dough: Act II

by Smitty

Waiting for O-Dough: Announcement

Synopsis of Act I: Stacy met Smitty on the Porch, and they awaited O-Dough. Bob Belvedere and Lucky came by, Bob ate lunch, and departed.

(Smitty sits on the couch. Enter Stacy at right.)
Smitty: Good morning. Once again you neglect the shelter of the porch.
Stacy: Well, I prefer the comfort of my ditch.
Smitty: Even though the union thugs beat you?
Stacy: It’s just a flesh wound. I think it’s more the union management than the actual workers. The management is less competent. The real troops will bite your leg off, I hear.
Smitty: You’d think if they had O-Dough, they could buy some real victuals.
Stacy: Maybe they’re waiting for O-Dough, too.
Smitty: How about those two that were here yesterday?
Stacy: Belvedere and Lucky? They work for Congress. They don’t need O-Dough.
Smitty: Should we apply for government jobs?
Stacy: Why? We’re supposed to get our O-Dough any day now. If only the mail wasn’t so slow. Why don’t they just use FedEx or UPS?
Smitty: I didn’t realize that FedEx and UPS still exist.
(Lucky comes back in from stage right, encumbered as before, with Bob Belvedere’s eyes covered. Lucky stops in the middle of the stage. Belvedere wanders forward, trips, sprawls.)
Stacy & Smitty: Let me help you up. (Jump off the porch to assist Belvedere up.)
Stacy: You were here yesterday.
Bob: I was?
Smitty: Yes. Have you called Congress? Did you remember to mention our O-Dough?
Bob: What are you talking about?
Stacy: You came by here, had some lunch, and then went off. Claimed you worked for Congress. That’s why you can have what looks to be nothing other than a slave (though, as long as he’s a consenting adult, there’s nothing wrong with that).
Bob: Did I say I work for Congress? To you? I would have been more discreet than that, if it was true.
Smitty: Well, there you have it. Stacy, we’re just going to have to go and find our O-Dough.
Stacy: Do you have a map?
Smitty: It’s behind the couch. (He starts to rustle behind the couch, creating a cloud of paper and debris.)
Stacy: But if we leave, we won’t be here to take receipt of our O-Dough. We’d better stay.
Bob: What’s this O-Dough you expect, then?
Stacy: Our kickback for our years of patience!
Smitty: The economic stimulus that will create more jobs than it destroys!
Stacy: The worker’s paradise we were promised by Progress!
Smitty: The end of all systemic risk!
Bob: Yes. That’s all well and good, but where does this O-Dough come from?
Stacy: The Treasury Department cuts a check.
Bob: And how did the money get to the Treasury Department?
Smitty: A goose laying golden eggs?
Bob: Right, although it’s really more a duck. A mandarin duck. It’s been all fowl play since the Federal Reserve Act. Now, what do geese do?
Stacy: They float in water.
Bob: What else floats in water?
Smitty: An island.
Bob: Just so. Now, if there is a problem with the goose providing the golden eggs, what should you do?
Stacy: Wait for someone to give up an island for the Treasury Department.
Bob: Precisely. Now, it’s late. I must be going. The madness of men has driven sight from my head.
Smitty: Since you know so much, do you really work for the Congress?
Bob: I wouldn’t accuse it of being work. I’ll leave you two to the toil of the human condition. “They give birth astride of a grave, the light gleams an instant, then it’s night once more.” Take me out of here, Lefty. Best wishes on the O-Dough, gentlemen.
(Lefty and Bob exit stage left.)
(After a moment, the Boy re-enters, stage right.)
Stacy: Have you seen the postman?
Boy: He’s already been by, while you were talking to that blind man. You didn’t get anything.
Smitty: No O-Dough today?
Boy: No, and the rumor is that it might not be for some time. They just discovered a few hundred fresh pages of legislation governing O-Dough. Got to take time and follow the law, you know.
Stacy & Smitty: *Sigh*

PORTICUS RUIT

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Copyright 2010, Christopher L. Smith

Category: Farce

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